Strangely not lonely being alone.

Pretty dumb headline now I think about it. What I’m trying to say is that even though I am now alone and spend a lot of time on my own, I’m liking that I don’t feel lonely. A couple of months ago I really thought that I would.

But of course that is too long for a headline.

It’s one of those realisations that just crept up and SLAP. I’m quietly pleased. When I first moved in to Man Pit in March it was the first time since ’98 that I had lived on my own. Also, it was the end of a 6 year relationship so of course I was nervous about how I would handle it. Now a few months in its time to reflect and analyse, see how what’s gone on with the benefit of hindsight. And I think my apartment tells the story…

I think for the first few weeks I was obsessive about my new place, Man Pit. Obsessive! Every detail. I went to Moore Park Supa Centre about 12 times, as well as heaps of other furniture places, as I fitted it out in a finely tuned dance of seek-assess-plan-compare-purchase. So happy with everything I got that I treated my new home like a museum. And rarely left it. For those first few weeks I was very busy keeping it pristine and getting to know myself within it. Seems a little bit psychotic now, but I guess getting to know Man Pit and my new stuff was like therapeutically getting to know my new bachelor-self.

I got to know the local area a little bit but on the whole I stayed within these four walls. Subsequently I developed a pizza and oven-food addiction. Then the pendulum swung completely the other way, it was a full 180 degree turn-around. I started to show off Man Pit to anyone who’d come over and I madly filled my diary. I wanted to be out & about and fabulously single. Booked in dinners, drinks and catch-ups so many nights. I’d got my confidence up and wanted to be a part of everything and anything. Now I had my new home sorted I could explore.

This lasted a while as I reconnected with the outside world. I stopped treating my home like a museum and it started to feel lived in. Dirty clothes piled up and dust gathered. Then without even realizing I slipped into the third and current phase. It’s home now! Man Pit feels lived in. I am so unbelievably comfortable here, with my own little routines, that I am actually completely contented. It can have shit everywhere, or be as clean as a whistle. I know the lights so well I change their effect depending on my mood. It’s a place that I can change the function of with a simple sliding of a door and depending what time of day it is. I love it. It has everything I want.

So in this current phase I’ve become a lazy, boring home-body. Given a choice I’ll always stay on my couch with my laptop and Foxtel remote, Little Sammy beside me. I’m especially bad on weeknights. Just realized I’ve spent every night at home this week. Weekends I’m a little more active but having said that I’m going into the long weekend with very little planned. Actually need to fix that so will get on the bat-phone. Still haven’t quite got the balance right obviously, even in phase three. Finding the right balance will be the goal of the upcoming fourth and I think possibly final phase.

To quote all great reality shows, it’s been a ‘journey’. Slowly getting my shit together. But very happy with where I am. The good news is that I am contented and happy to be on my own and living on my own. It’s not as scary as I thought it would be to be stuck in my own head so much. It’s been kinda cool actually. I’ve always known that ‘home’ is important to me, that I need an anchor. I need my stuff around me. Now I realise I’ve come to think of Man Pit as home.

Now if I can only get the balance right between home-body and society princess…

For Rent:..

Aschapelle and I need your help. One of the first things we decided when we broke up up was that we both wanted to keep our house together and nothing has changed on our dream run. We are still top of the class as far as break-ups go. Normally I am the pettiest man in the world but this time I seem to be getting it right. Now we are taking the next step. The time has come the time to put renters in to our old home.

Aschapelle has just bought his own new bachelor pad – a very glamorous inner-city apartment with amazing views.  Very excited and happy for him as long as I can house-sit. This now means that we need to find renters for our (…slipping into full real estate agent mode now!) gorgeous, ideally located, newly renovated, spacious 2 bedroom terrace in East Redfern.

If anyone is ever looking to do any sort of real estate stuff in the inner city there is only one agent you should use. Bresic Whitney! They are truly brilliant whether buying, selling or renting – and we’ve tested them on all fronts over the past couple of years. And they are all HOT which I think is very important in a real estate agent. No joke, it must be a hiring policy there. All Bresic Whitney peeps are very smart and extremely hot! So the guys and gals at Bresic Whitney are now showing our little home to potential tenants. 12.15pm today in fact.

One thing Aschappele and I never, ever agreed on was artwork. As you can see from the pic above, since I’ve moved out a few months ago Asch has gone crazy with big, dramatic pieces. Also check out the beautiful floorboards, they were part of our 2010 make-over. We now know that the white lounge was a mistake when you have two dirty dogs but it looks gorgeous in the pic. A closer inspection of the book shelf will show Asch’s obsession with Schapelle Corby and all stories about drug traffickers in SE Asia. Never quite understood that.

Speaking of the 2010 make-over... we also did the kitchen and the bathroom.

Renovating sounds so easy when you start out. The reality is that it is a truly huge pain in the ass. Thank god the final result was worth it but we were without a kitchen for about 6 weeks. I need to write a whole post on that actually and name names. Don’t always trust a name you know people *cough* Freedom, will save the rest of that story for another time. We cooked in the lounge or garden for all of that time. After our experience last year I will never, ever buy a place that isn’t exactly how I want it at purchase, its’ just not worth the grief. Anyways, lets move on...

My pic, not BW's as you can probably tell...

Our bathroom, more through good luck than good management, is our proudest achievement! We’ve both loved it from the moment it was finished. A miracle when you remember that when we chose the tiles we were both so hung-over we weren’t sure what we ordered 5 mins after leaving the store. The guy who did our bathroom was a true professional! Would recommend him in a heartbeat. It’s also very butch don’t you think?

Here’s the outside of our little place. Sits right on the edge of one of the most friendly and vibrant parks I’ve ever known. This is the park where the whole neighbourhood leaves their toys and THEY NEVER GET STOLEN! It is literally the heart of the whole community. I’ve written about it before, it is amazing that such parks exist. I’ve even done a Uni assignment on it, a visual research project, for which I got a HD (yep, a big plug for myself!).

Aschapelle and I bought this place so our children, Jackson and Sam, had a backyard to play in. A week after we moved in we realised that Jackson and Sam never left the lounge while we were at work and only went out the back if they needed to piss or shit. That’s a lot of money to spend on a toilet. Having said that, Aschappelle and I weren’t much better. Why would you use the back garden when you have a whole park next door?

Upstairs are two decent sized bedrooms, or as we used them, a big master bedroom and a parlour/dressing room. Two gay boys can accumulate a lot of clothes so a whole room was required. The master bedroom has a balcony, but again, we never used it. Not sure why, but probably because I’m not a smoker when Aschapelle is around. Our neighbours are the most divine people you’ll ever meet, everyone in the street is just so lovely. There is even a smattering of A-List celebs but I won’t give out their names/addresses.

So in a nutshell… We’ve absolutely loved living here. LOVED IT!!! And that’s not just the real estate sell, we truly have. I’m ignoring the pang of sadness that it is no longer our home and focusing on Man Pit and Aschapelles fabulous new place. Only requirement of our new tenants is that they take good care of it. If you wanted to turn the second bedroom into a S&M dungeon that is absolutely fine as long as you don’t chip the paint or stain the floorboards. One day this place will allow me to buy a place of my own so pristine care needs to be taken. As much as I am loving Man Pit at the moment, one day I want to again live in a place I own.

Spread the word peeps, spread the word! Go along to the open house and marvel at what two inexperienced renovators can do while they are hung-over. Admire the giant artworks on the wall. Pose in the bathroom mirror that has on so many mornings produced my fabulous quiff. Feel the kitchen bench that has never felt my touch. Slide across the floorboards just as Jackson does. But always be sure to stay very balanced on the staircase so you don’t take a dramatic tumble like poor little Sammy did.

But most importantly… Make us an offer!

** WE HAVE OUR FIRST OPEN HOUSE TODAY, SATURDAY, JUNE 4 AT 12.15PM. Details here...

Bresic Whitney Listing here

Domain Listing here

Just stick it in the oven!

So have you ever noticed how bad habits can grip you very quickly?

Happens to me all the time!

The latest bad habit to take control at Man Pit is OVEN FOOD! Oven food of any high-caloried description, as long as all I have to do is stick it in and set a timer.

My oven has an angelic glow!

Some back-story first! For the past six years my delightful partner Aschapelle (artist formerly known as Boyfriend than exBoyfriend now Aschapelle) did all the cooking of the evening meals. Now I am living in the city’s most glamorous of bachelor pads, Man Pit, I am having to fend for myself. It ain’t going so well. I hate cooking, I have no skill at it, and I certainly have no flair for it. Colonel Sanders is my all-time favourite chef. That says it all really.

Also, the first time I cooked at Man Pit I embarrassingly set off the fire alarm. It's left me scared to use the fry pan. So much safer to stick things in the oven.  So simple – set the temp, set the timer on the iPhone – dinner is ready! Let me take you through a few of my favourite things, or 80% of my evening meals this past few months…

My personal favourite is the Sargent’s Angus Beef pies – the absolute best $4 you can ever spend.

Second most regular go-to item in my freezer is the Birdseye fish fillets which I have loved for a very, very long time. Especially the herb & garlic.

A recent addition to my scintillating oven repertoire is the mini Chicken Kiev’s, so much joy in such a little bundle.

And the piece–de-resistance is my Party favourite – the Puffy Dogs! Mini frankfurters wrapped in pastry. Delightful!

But after a lovely, lovely dinner with a group of friends this week I’ve learnt the error of my ways. Apparently it is quite easy to cook healthy, easy meals for one – who would’ve thought! Julie McCoy was particularly helpful, she is a genius in many capacities. She gave me two brilliant recipes. One is a simple as mixed salad greens, olive oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper. Even I can’t go wrong with that surely. So I gave it a shot, judge for yourself…

The bowl of fruit is purely decorative.

I even tossed it with my own hands. An absolute first for me!

And yes, I did the steak under the grill cause I am still too scared to use the fry pan. Hey, you don’t become Jamie Oliver overnight. Working myself up to that.

Little Sammy likes to watch me eat steak.

But I’m feeling just a little proud tonight that I’ve at least mastered a salad – it was DELICIOUS! That’s a big step forward for me and huge inroads to Bachelorhood.

This is certainly going to make more room in my freezer for vodka and ice-cream.

Special thank you to my all-time favourite travel agent Julie McCoy for sharing her knowledge of food!

Blonde Bombshell Has Sleep-Over At Man Pit!

So I’ve been at Man Pit just over a month now – loving it! The best news was about two weeks ago when I finally got permission for my oldest (but smallest) son, Sam, to come live with me. He has taken to Man Pit like a lifeguard to Speedo's. The two of us are very happy.

As exciting as it is to have one of my sons come and live with me, my other son, the blonde bombshell Jackson, stayed with his biological Daddy in the far south suburbs. We don’t get to see him very often, he’s got his paws full keeping Aschapelle (artist formerly know as exBoyfriend) on the straight and narrow.

But last night we had a house-guest! Sammy and I were so excited, well, me a lot more so than Sam. Jackson was coming to the inner-city for a sleep-over and it was Jackson’s first visit to Man Pit.

After doing a frantic lap of the carpark I finally coaxed him into the elevator. He then went nuts in the corridor and did a quick reverse-catwalk up to Man Pit. Upon entry it was like he was on some bad speed at a rave. CRAZY!!! Sniffing everything, manicly running from one corner to another, getting the lay of the land. All the time with Little Sammy chasing him just a few steps behind (Sam has always had trouble keeping up, he’s got short legs just like Daddy-St.Murphy).

Jackson quickly found his old favourite spot - my bed! I’m sure that’s because he could smell me there, well so my maternal instinct tells me.

So eventually to calm them both down I whipped out some My Dog. Both sons are dirty pigs when it comes to their food – no chance either of them will ever have an eating disorder – just like their dads! How cute are they munching down together at Man Pit.

Then it came to lounge time. Now Jackson is incredibly territorial and has always growled if Sam has been presumptuous enough to try for some love from Daddy-St.Murphy. Nothing has changed since we’d all last been together, even though this is Sammy’s home. Jackson got the lounge and Sammy got the floor.

Took some convincing but finally got them both up on the lounge so that we could all be contented together – Sam and Jackson watching some Law & Order SVU’s while I tapped-tapped-tapped away on this ol’ blog.

I love Man Pit but jeez I don’t know if its gonna be big enough for the three of us! Especially when Jackson dribbles on my new cushions like this...

Very, very happy my little family is back together, very happy indeed!

Celebrating Good People on Good Friday!

Upfront: I have completely stolen this idea from Twitter-bestie ShaunHeron. He began a ‘movement’ during the week to change Follow Friday (or #FF) to Good Follow Friday. Instead of the Twitterverse sending shoutouts to their friends, for Good Friday he wanted everyone to send shoutouts to people who are doing good in the world. So that’s what I’m going to do at St. Murphy today.

Happy Easter!

Now I am not a religious person in any sense. Like many of my people, organised religion scares me. It's all that “Gays are going to hell” and “ Your relationships are the devil’s work” that puts me off. But I do believe in some of the christian values such as be kind to people, fill the world with love, take care of one another, respect and honesty.

While I am not 100% sure what Good Friday means in a Christian sense, I am going to use it to celebrate good people, doing good work, for the greater good. It may be someone undertaking a special project or just someone who just by being themselves makes the world a better place. Bottom line, I just want to celebrate and acknowledge some peeps that have made a difference in my world – the good people.

Mums

It’s a world so different to my selfish existence. This past month I’ve spent a lot of time with some beautiful mums – my Sis-In-Law and my gorgeous nieces and nephew, Cousin Trudy and Mrs Woog with the Woogettes. I honestly do not know how you ladies do it! I get exhausted thinking about it. I struggle with the compromising it involves having a pet, let alone a child. I've learnt from you guys how big and how important your role as a mother is. And goddamn you do it well!

Nina and Lucas

The Commitment Project           

Evan Cooper, through his website The Commitment Project, has simply, effectively and with so much heart put forward his case for Gay Marriage. Evan tells the story of gay couples who have been together longer than 8.8 years – this is the average length of a hetero marriage. It is a motivating and insightful website, and the fact that Evan has undertaken such a huge task is inspiring. It is people like Evan who can bring about great change. Get on board!

The Twitter-verse

I make jokes about my Twitter obsession all the time; yes it’s a time waster, yes it’s distracting, yes its full of a lot of shit. But I honestly do not know what I would have done the past few months without it, my crutch. It creates community, friendships, entertainment and knowledge. I’ve relied on it so much as an outlet for contact and engagement. And I’ve met so many new fabulous people, and cemented friendships with people who were only acquaintances previously. All jokes aside, its been my safe-place for the last few months. To my Tweeps – you are good, good people.

Twitter-Date #1 with @Simieboy & Milney01

Great writing & Tim Dunlop           

You maybe sensing a slight theme here, that’s because equality is very important to me. Via a tweet from TheFlack I was introduced to this phenomenal piece of writing by TimDunlop. For two reasons: his incredibly eloquent and sensible explanation for the legalising of Gay Marriage and for the fact he gives it to the offensive ramblings of Barry Cohen. For every dumb-ass Barry Cohen we need 5 brilliant Tim Dunlop’s so that as a society we are always moving forward, not backwards. We all need to stand up to the Barry Cohen's of the world.

Funny People

I rate laughing very highly. In fact, it is mandatory. Laughing with, laughing at, chuckling, mocking, laughing at yourself - its all good. Luckily all my friends are funny bitches, friends always have a shared sense-of-humour. Met a whole heap of new people lately who have made me laugh... Hard! So if I've laughed at, with or about you recently THANK YOU! I think everyone needs to lighten up! We've got a lot to be happy about me thinks.

Laughing...

exBoyfriend

I've been blogging for about 3 months and in that time Boyfriend became exBoyrfriend. Today I want to change it again. I use nicknames for my closest friends here on St. Murphy and exBoyfriend is one of my nearest and dearest. exBoyfriend sounds nasty and suggests a harshness that doesn't exist. He will now be known as Aschapelle due to his morbid obsession with Ms Corby. What this latest change means is that I 100% believe we have very maturely, cleverly and respectfully transitioned ourselves from long-term lovers to life-long friends. I would seriously be lost without my Aschapelle.





So thats my Good People on Good Friday wrap-up. Hope you liked it. Celebrate the good people today! And Laugh!

It's a sad day.

It’s a sad day. Very sad. I don’t really have the energy to sugarcoat it today or try for some cheap gags. Its just plain and simple a sad day.

Today I move out of our little house and for the first time in 6 years I am on my own. I move in to my new bachelor pad today and begin a new chapter. There’s some great and exciting stuff about this but for today I am feeling like a sentimental old fool saying goodbye to some really good times and a relationship that was the longest and strongest of my life.

How can you not get all emotional at a time like this? I think irrelevant of the circumstances its always hard when something comes to an end. Especially something that has had such an impact on you and literally changed your life like my relationship with exBoyfriend has. But all good things come to an end for a reason. It’s the right time for us to go our separate ways. I think its human nature though, certainly it is for me, to reminisce at a time like this. And that’s what makes me sad.

We had it so good for so long. Such great memories. Great friends and families, exciting holidays, brilliants homes, so much fun. So thankful that we’ve had not one ugly moment that detracts from those memories. And the boys, Jackson and Sam. Damn I’m gonna miss all of that. And exBoyfriend is a great man. I have nothing but total respect for him. We taught each other so much and learnt so much together. There is going to be a gaping, huge hole in my life without him in it day-to-day. I will miss him unbelievably.

But talk about life going full-circle! I first moved to Sydney in 1996 not knowing anyone. I rented a shoebox studio on Crown St in Darlinghurst and began my life here. Lived on my own for two years while finding my feet in the big-smoke and then have shared a house ever since. 15 years later I am back on Crown St living on my own; thank god the apartment is nicer and bigger this time.

A big part of me is so excited about this new adventure. It’s going to be very cool. But for today I can’t help but be sad. Sad because of what is coming to an end.

Thank you so much Ash, I will be forever grateful for the last 6 years. 

**Sorry, no comments today, this one was for my own therapy, not to get a reaction. x

Warts and all. Break-ups are shit!

My mentor Mrs Woog says write for yourself and not worry what others think. Makes me nervous but I'm giving it a shot. Boys don't talk about feelings, especially ones from the country. But I think it's important I try today...

Break-ups are SHIT! Knee-deep sewerage! Fucking awful!

You’ll have heard me say a few times “as far as break-ups go we’re doing real good” but its still shit. Shit. Shit. Awful, knee-dip Shit.

Now I know we aren’t the first couple to break-up and I know that a lot of couples have it a lot worse than us. But it still gets you real down, rocks your world and just makes everything else in life so much harder. Its been two and a half weeks now and I’ve really, really struggled. I'm up and down like a yo-yo, I still find it really hard to talk to people about it, I can't get the simplest of things done. But I'll have spurts where the world is my oyster, nothing impossible. I'm exhausting myself. I’m not saying this for sympathy or support, please don’t, but just because this space has become my little world where I can talk about whatever I want and say whatever is on my mind. Tell my 'story of the day'.

It’s the little things that are the hardest. Clichéd I know, and something most others have experienced themselves. For me its kinda new. I’ve had break-ups before but not on this scale. My last was after two years but by the time we broke up we lived in different cities. This is 6 years where we both dramatically changed our lives and built something really cool together and it’s so much harder to say goodbye to that than I thought it would be. How naïve is that. I just have nothing to compare this too, I don't know whats normal and whats not.

One day this week I actually called or emailed him 3 times in a few hours without even realising. And it was silly stuff like how it only cost me only $37 to have my tyre fixed and how another blogger posted me. Whatever was top of mind. It was only later in the day that I realised what I’d done and that it’s probably not kosher anymore, or particularly healthy. It’s all been so smooth between us that it didn’t even seem odd. It was a bit of a crystal ball moment that we/I have to actively change how much we rely on each other. Uggghhhh. I am definitely a creature of habit, I do not handle change well. 38 years experience tells me that.

One really upsetting thing is the ‘reporting in’. When you’re in a relationship it is so normal to let your partner know where you are and what you are doing. “Honey, held up at work, won’t be home till 8” or “made it down to Thirroul, just getting Chinese, will call you after I’ve eaten”. No need to do that anymore and that’s just plain unsettling. I still instinctually want to do it all the time. It’s this constant, subtle but harsh reminder that you don’t have your partner anymore and that hurts. Its sounds inconsequential but its not for me.

This doesn't mean I’m having second thoughts though. I know we've made the right decision, I know it’s right for both of us, as does exBoyfriend – absolutely no question about that. It’s just this ‘transitional’ phase that’s doing my head in. We are in limbo. We still share our house until I move into my apartment. In so many ways our lives are still the same. I got sick again this week – such a me thing to do – and that was the sign for both of us that we needed to move things along a little bit quicker. My psychosomatic body always tells us when I'm not dealing well. Thank god for exBoyfriend, he is a true saint. He knows my flaws better than anyone. We’ve plotted the next five weeks so that we aren’t sharing our house as much, luckily we have that option – so much easier if one of us isn’t sleeping on the lounge.

And I need to get used to not having exBoyfriend to rely on 24/7. I’ve always considered myself fiercely independent but the last 6 years has definitely changed me, how could it not. In a strange way, deep down, I sense I'm excited about what the future holds but until we get through the next few weeks its really tough to feel that.  How the hell do couples go through this if it is a one-sided or dramatic break-up? I have no idea. Must be excruciatingly hard. I have a whole new respect for anyone separating from their partner. I never really got how much it knocks you about until now.

One great thing about all of this is I have even more respect for exBoyfriend. It seems all that reality television hasn’t turned his brain to mush. He’s been my strongest support, how ironic is that. He has been amazing in every respect. It's also a brilliant sign that once we finally untangle our lives, down the track, we can be great friends. In fact, that’s the reason we were finally able to call it quits. We both knew we would be much happier as friends with our own lives. As shit as it is now, the signs are all good we’ll get there.





Note: I've deliberately taken off the Comment section for this post, sorry. Feels wrong to have replies to this cause thats not why I wrote it.

Some news from Boyfriend and I.

Boyfriend and I just wanted to let everyone know that we’ve decided to go our separate ways. Very sad for both of us, but also the right thing to do.

Boyfriend and I have been together 6 years and from the day we first met we have been best friends.  We have been an amazing support for each other and have nothing but respect. This won’t change. We’ve done some really cool things together, had an absolute ball and achieved so much so we are pretty damn proud of ourselves and our time together.

Our families and friends have been truly phenomenal the last few days as we’ve let them all know. It’s been really difficult as we appreciate so much how close and connected we are to each others loved ones. Can not thank you all enough for your love and support.

The best part is that we are both on the same page; there was no mistake made, no big fight, no drama involved. We both just understand that we would be happier if we went our separate ways. So as far as break-ups go we are at the top of the class.

The next few weeks and months are going to be real hard, no question about it, but we are both very committed to making this as easy on each other as possible. And it’s a promise we will both keep.

And unfortunately for Boyfriend, you are sure to hear all about it here on St. Murphy.

And apologies that we are letting you know via this page. Its kinda like ripping the BandAid off and letting everyone know all at once. We hope you understand.

Xoxoxoxoxo

St. Murphy and Boyfriend

Who said gays couldn't have children...  Jackson & Sam