Slap! Reality Check.

Firstly, who said Australia was homophobic? Gays may not be able to marry but there’s a long weekend to celebrate the Queens. I love Kate and Will as much as anyone but I’m a Republican at heart so I’m ignoring any Queen other than my people. Thanks for the long weekend to celebrate us!

It may seem like three random stories today but I promise it will all make sense in the end. Stick with me, have faith...

Couch.

I sat down on my beloved couch at approx 9pm on Friday night and got off again at approx 12noon on Sunday. Yes, I rolled myself into bed both nights but that was at the very last moment before my eyes shut only to quickly return upon waking. Had a fridge full of gourmet snacks, Belvedere vodka and some B&H on the outdoor table. There is nothing either Little Sammy or I could want for. Had both heaters going all weekend creating a very cozy Man Pit. Jeez I watched some brilliant television and ate myself up two sizes.

First night/day/night was all Law & Order, no shock there. Then the absolute highlight! My new friend Arrjaydub brought over the entire first series of Downton Abbey. Heaven, so brilliant, this is one of the best TV series ever made. I can not recommend enough. Shame my allegedly gourmet quiche and pork pies were shit otherwise it was a perfect sensory experience. Then I introduced Arrjaydub to another of the all-time greats - West Wing! So much television, so much food. Completely self-indulgent, lazy, luxurious few days.

Third all-time greatest television series.

Potts Point.

I am so confused by Potts Point! I like neat little descriptions for things so that I can easily sort in my head. Potts Point confuses the hell out of me. It is such a weird mix of just about everything. Gorgeous gourmet deli’s next door to a shop where you can buy a 12 inch dildo. Beautiful homewares stores half a block down from a sordid strip bar. And the people on the streets reflect this. Mostly it’s your standard Eastern Suburbs glamour-set with their fur collars, designer denim and giant sunglasses. But then around the corner you have the complete contrast of anorexic strippers and giant scary bouncers. I also smell the whiff of a methadone clinic. So confused.

Mark David Jones took me exploring yesterday, and of course we were exploring for food and drinks – it’s what we do best. Mr MDJ took me for my first experience of Fratelli Paradiso. I whinged my way through a 15minute wait for a table before we had a gorgeous, generous lunch of calamari, pasta and steak. The food was divine, so were our vodka’s and wine. We didn’t bat an eyelid at our Monday lunch bill before heading to Green Park Hotel for a quiet afternoon drink. Just a lovely, lovely afternoon. Thanks Mr MDJ.

Fratelli Paradiso

Monday Night.

Reality check. Some nights when Little Sammy and I go for our evening walk we pass the line-up of disadvantaged men and women who are waiting for the kind and compassionate people who deliver their evening meal. This is embarrassing to admit but I always have a brief moment where I check where my phone and wallet are. Normally there are about 30+ people lining up. Last night there were about 60-70, possibly more. We can walk around with blinkers on sometimes, claim ignorance and pretend not to see what un-nerves us; last night was different. It was a sobering wake-up call. At the risk of sounding patronising, it really broke my heart.

It has been so cold and so wet all weekend. Where have these guys been, how have they stayed warm? You can imagine after a weekend like that they would be aching for a hot meal. No wonder numbers were so high last night. No wonder there were so many men and women politely lined up with their possessions - first in, first served – for the chance at some comfort. I was feeling like a fat, lazy pig after a weekend of pure indulgence, excess and comfort. All while there were at least 70 men and women in my neighbourhood who were struggling to find any sort of comfort. Slap, huge reality check.

For all my whinging and moaning here at St. Murphy I am one of the incredibly lucky and fortunate ones who really has not a care in the world.

Signing up for volunteer work with Father Chris Riley's first thing today.

Father Chris Riley's Youth Off The Streets food van (Google Image pic)

Strangely not lonely being alone.

Pretty dumb headline now I think about it. What I’m trying to say is that even though I am now alone and spend a lot of time on my own, I’m liking that I don’t feel lonely. A couple of months ago I really thought that I would.

But of course that is too long for a headline.

It’s one of those realisations that just crept up and SLAP. I’m quietly pleased. When I first moved in to Man Pit in March it was the first time since ’98 that I had lived on my own. Also, it was the end of a 6 year relationship so of course I was nervous about how I would handle it. Now a few months in its time to reflect and analyse, see how what’s gone on with the benefit of hindsight. And I think my apartment tells the story…

I think for the first few weeks I was obsessive about my new place, Man Pit. Obsessive! Every detail. I went to Moore Park Supa Centre about 12 times, as well as heaps of other furniture places, as I fitted it out in a finely tuned dance of seek-assess-plan-compare-purchase. So happy with everything I got that I treated my new home like a museum. And rarely left it. For those first few weeks I was very busy keeping it pristine and getting to know myself within it. Seems a little bit psychotic now, but I guess getting to know Man Pit and my new stuff was like therapeutically getting to know my new bachelor-self.

I got to know the local area a little bit but on the whole I stayed within these four walls. Subsequently I developed a pizza and oven-food addiction. Then the pendulum swung completely the other way, it was a full 180 degree turn-around. I started to show off Man Pit to anyone who’d come over and I madly filled my diary. I wanted to be out & about and fabulously single. Booked in dinners, drinks and catch-ups so many nights. I’d got my confidence up and wanted to be a part of everything and anything. Now I had my new home sorted I could explore.

This lasted a while as I reconnected with the outside world. I stopped treating my home like a museum and it started to feel lived in. Dirty clothes piled up and dust gathered. Then without even realizing I slipped into the third and current phase. It’s home now! Man Pit feels lived in. I am so unbelievably comfortable here, with my own little routines, that I am actually completely contented. It can have shit everywhere, or be as clean as a whistle. I know the lights so well I change their effect depending on my mood. It’s a place that I can change the function of with a simple sliding of a door and depending what time of day it is. I love it. It has everything I want.

So in this current phase I’ve become a lazy, boring home-body. Given a choice I’ll always stay on my couch with my laptop and Foxtel remote, Little Sammy beside me. I’m especially bad on weeknights. Just realized I’ve spent every night at home this week. Weekends I’m a little more active but having said that I’m going into the long weekend with very little planned. Actually need to fix that so will get on the bat-phone. Still haven’t quite got the balance right obviously, even in phase three. Finding the right balance will be the goal of the upcoming fourth and I think possibly final phase.

To quote all great reality shows, it’s been a ‘journey’. Slowly getting my shit together. But very happy with where I am. The good news is that I am contented and happy to be on my own and living on my own. It’s not as scary as I thought it would be to be stuck in my own head so much. It’s been kinda cool actually. I’ve always known that ‘home’ is important to me, that I need an anchor. I need my stuff around me. Now I realise I’ve come to think of Man Pit as home.

Now if I can only get the balance right between home-body and society princess…

Do not let appearances deceive you!

Now I have a devoted life-partner, the beautiful and delicate Little Sammy! He is the king of Man Pit and rules with an iron paw. He is the most gorgeous companion a single inner-city gay man could ask for. Just look at him…

This is how he spends most evenings, snoozing beside me while I obsess over television/Twitter/Facebook/blog. He sleeps beside me every night and when we first snuggle into bed we spoon. We go walking together atleast twice a day like any romantic couple would, sometimes three times.

He is flawless in almost every way!

Notice I said ‘almost’?

Now have a listen to this, the audio from the same moment this shot was taken…

LISTEN TO LITTLE SAMMY HERE!

He snores like a 180kg truck driver! So unbelievably loud!

And he can start snoring literally five seconds after resting his head. I have to turn the TV up to drown him out. On those rare sleepless nights it can drive you insane. Lets also not forget that he sleeps for atleast 70% of his day. Now that is a helluva lot of snoring.

So while he looks like the cutest little angel you’ve ever seen, appearances can be deceiving. Deep inside Little Sammy is a Russian weightlifter begging to be let out.

I've had me some Rogan Joshua at Man Pit!

What the hell is this???

Lucky Paulie said he was coming over to Man Pit to cook me dinner and he brought this! Now even I know you can’t put plastic in the oven. “Lucky Paulie what the hell were you thinking…” as I reached for my phone to dial the downstairs pizza place.

Turns out these are the ingredients in a Rogan Joshua. I thought Rogan Joshua just came in a bain marie at a cheap and easy Indian diner – Lucky Paulie assures you mix all of these in a pot and out comes some Joshua. Go figure!

You may know, I hate cooking. Hate it in the same way you hate planter warts. Since being at Man Pit and setting off the fire alarm in the first week I have relied solely on the generosity of friends, oven food and the pizza place downstairs. This is what has spurred Lucky Paulie into action – he saw my Sunday night Tweet of 5 empty pizza boxes. Now he wants to teach me to cook. He’s one of my oldest friends but I fear he may not know me at all.

“What do you know how to do?” Paulie asks. “Chop.” And that is literally all I know in the kitchen. I am subsequently in charge of onions. Paulie attends to the more delicate tasks of garlic and ginger.

Paulie asks “Do you have a garlic crusher?”

“No, why would I have one of those?

“Do you have a grater?”

“No. Again I ask, why would I need one of those?”

Seriously only the MasterChef Kitchen would have these surely? Why would an inner-city bachelor pad rented by someone who’s favourite chef is Colonel Sanders have them? I passed Paulie my only big knife and he improvised. He’s very clever Paulie, not just a pretty face who puts the news to air each night. Check it out – I think we did pretty darn good considering the ‘alleged’ limited resources of Man Pit.

Paulie looked very dashing in the Man Pit kitchen. He was throwing ingredients around like he was the Swedish chef on the Muppets. I was so confused as to what was what that I had to pour myself another vodka and check out Twitter. I was supporting him emotionally and spiritually. I did warn Paulie that I was considerably less interested in learning as he was in teaching.

Check out Little Sammy watching on... ADORABLE!

Man Pit hasn’t smelt this good since the first time I walked in the door just after the industrial cleaners had left. Little Sammy was beside himself, the smell of slow-cooked fresh food is completely foreign to him. Paulie didn’t even let me boil the rice. Told you he was clever! My contribution at this point was to set the timer on my iPhone so we knew when rice was ready. BINGO! Dinner is served!

You can see the joy on my face (and the jealousy on Sam's!).

And if you can look past the beautiful Rogan Joshua, yes I am wearing a headband, as I often do once I slip into my After-5’s at Man Pit.

Thank you Lucky Paulie for giving it your very best attempt to teach me a new skill. Thank you Lucky Paulie for recognizing that I possibly wasn’t eating a very balanced diet. But most of all thank you Lucky Paulie for serving up a Rogan Joshua that tasted even better than any take-away Indian Diner on Oxford St.

Love you!

Lucky Paulie

There's a new Boss at Man Pit

Little Sammy has made the big move and now lives at Man Pit! And already he is the BOSS!

Man Sam in Man Chair

A child of divorced parents, Sam is handling the transition with his usual style. Now you may know I am the proud parent of Sam and his stepbrother Jackson. Jackson has been raised since a pup by Aschapelle (artist formerly known as exBoyfriend) so he stayed in Redfern. We ‘rescued’ Sam just over 2 years ago so he came with me to the city.

It’s a joint custody arrangement. Perfect for everyone. But thank god I now have some company cause talking to myself is just plain boring – I always know the answers and I've heard all the jokes before. So I am unbelievably excited and happy to finally have Sam living with me at Man Pit.

He’s slowly finding his way around, sniffing and poking at everything. For such a smart little man he seems very unsure of himself. I can confidently say though he is very happy with the new lounge. He’s sitting beside me now as I type. He’s the best lap dog in the world Sam, just follows you wherever you go. And matches the colour scheme of Man Pit perfectly.

He loves his new lounge

We went to our little neighbourhood dog park today, or as it will now be known, Sam’s Toilet. We didn’t get to play with any other dogs though so he hasn’t made any new friends or boyfriends yet. I’m hoping he’ll meet the man-dog of his dreams and fall in love. My little Sam deserves some gay-doggy-happiness.

Sam's Toilet

Now Sam’s not used to living on carpet, he thinks the floor is a giant lounge. And he’s not used to wood decking. Possibly he’s nervous about falling through the cracks. I have put his food and water out there so he’ll be used to it in no time. He LOVES his food our little Sammy, who ain’t so little anymore. He’s 50% heavier than when we first picked him up 2 years ago. We are discussing a diet and some calorie control.

Such a little Piggy

He’s also very excited to be back watching crime drama’s. When he’s with Daddy Aschapelle its nothing but mind-numbingly bad American reality shows so he’s very grateful to now have a more mature, intellectual selection. He loves the Law & Order’s just like Daddy St. Murphy, Lt. Van Buren is his favourite.

Best part about having Sam at Man Pit is the affection he gives you in the morning. It is so adorable. Breath is a little stinky but aren’t we all of a morning. And he does have a tendency to snore which can be annoying, but not for the moment. I’m just ecstatic that I now have Sam living with his Daddy St. Murphy.

Sam says Goodnight

It's a sad day.

It’s a sad day. Very sad. I don’t really have the energy to sugarcoat it today or try for some cheap gags. Its just plain and simple a sad day.

Today I move out of our little house and for the first time in 6 years I am on my own. I move in to my new bachelor pad today and begin a new chapter. There’s some great and exciting stuff about this but for today I am feeling like a sentimental old fool saying goodbye to some really good times and a relationship that was the longest and strongest of my life.

How can you not get all emotional at a time like this? I think irrelevant of the circumstances its always hard when something comes to an end. Especially something that has had such an impact on you and literally changed your life like my relationship with exBoyfriend has. But all good things come to an end for a reason. It’s the right time for us to go our separate ways. I think its human nature though, certainly it is for me, to reminisce at a time like this. And that’s what makes me sad.

We had it so good for so long. Such great memories. Great friends and families, exciting holidays, brilliants homes, so much fun. So thankful that we’ve had not one ugly moment that detracts from those memories. And the boys, Jackson and Sam. Damn I’m gonna miss all of that. And exBoyfriend is a great man. I have nothing but total respect for him. We taught each other so much and learnt so much together. There is going to be a gaping, huge hole in my life without him in it day-to-day. I will miss him unbelievably.

But talk about life going full-circle! I first moved to Sydney in 1996 not knowing anyone. I rented a shoebox studio on Crown St in Darlinghurst and began my life here. Lived on my own for two years while finding my feet in the big-smoke and then have shared a house ever since. 15 years later I am back on Crown St living on my own; thank god the apartment is nicer and bigger this time.

A big part of me is so excited about this new adventure. It’s going to be very cool. But for today I can’t help but be sad. Sad because of what is coming to an end.

Thank you so much Ash, I will be forever grateful for the last 6 years. 

**Sorry, no comments today, this one was for my own therapy, not to get a reaction. x

Introducing my children Jackson and Sam

I have two children and I thought it was about time they were formally introduced. They are the most beautiful, adorable children in the world and you are going to be so jealous of how handsome my offspring are!!!

Jackson and Sam

Very proud to introduce Jackson and Sam! Its so true that dogs are the gay children. These two are proof of that. They have pride of place in our lives and are showered with so much love and attention it is sickening to others. They sleep in bed with their Daddies, we spend more on their haircuts than we do our own. They have their own Nanny who writes us report cards on them every time they stay. They wear matching pink collars because they are homosexual dogs.

We even bought them a house so that they had a backyard. Bad news for us is they never use it cause they just sit at the front window all day waiting for someone to come home. They do not play well with other dogs, couldn’t care for them less. We think this is because they believe they are human. They both crave and demand so much attention. They are walked at east twice a day and eat anything they can get their little paws on. They are the most beautiful sons a man could have.

Where they sit all day waiting for someone to come home.

Now exBoyfriend has had Jackson since he was a pup and I’ve been step-dad for the last 6 years. He is a 7+yo Cocker-Spaniel. If Jackson was human he’d be a cute, fun lifeguard at Boy Charlton Pool. He has got so much personality and character. He literally follows me every step I walk around the house. He LOVES watching Law & Order with me. He sleeps above my head in bed. Yes, we share the same pillow. Before I met Jackson I hated pets, and the thought of having a dog in your bed was repulsive. Now I miss him terribly if he’s not there. Only once has he got angry, and that was at my North Shore Princess. She flashed her boobs and Jackson got scared and bit her face. Told you he was gay.

Jackson needed a make-over before this photoshoot

We’ve only had Sam for two years and he is an 8+yo King Charles Cavalier. We ‘rescued’ him from our beloved Turner/Hollands who didn’t even allow him inside let alone in their beds. People from the country are weird like that. Sam is the ultimate lapdog. He is also possibly the laziest dog you’ve ever met. He snores like a chainsaw, on bad nights he’s banished to downstairs. He’s also a bit of a tart. He will go to anyone who shows him affection. ANYONE! If he were human we think he would be a distinguished food critic for the SMH cause all he is interested in is eating. And he farts a lot. He’s an old soul Sam, as cute as hell and can melt you with those eyes.

Adorable!

Jackson and Sam have been brothers for two years and still you could hardly call them friends. They still compete for their Daddy’s attention all the time. If one is being patted then the other one jumps in. Sam does follow Jackson a little bit but I think that’s just because he’s too lazy to lead. Neither of them are particularly intelligent, they cruise through life trading on their looks rather than their brains. They are Supermodels in that respect.

They fight for your scratches.

For someone who hated dogs I’ve done a complete backflip over these boys. Couldn’t live without them. Regular readers will be wondering what will happen with them now? Well exBoyrfriend and I will be timesharing them depending on our diaries, with Sam predominantly with me and Jackson with exBoyfriend. We know for sure that they won’t care that they are apart but it’s crucial to both Daddies that we still have each boy in our life. Just as you would expect with children.

Both of them under the table at my feet while I write this about them. Melting...

Jackson & Sam's Toilet

We definitely need to lighten the mood here at St. Murphy. Enough with that heavy shit. Even I’m getting bored with it so I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be for you.

Lets move on…

To something completely random and obscure.

So I think that my local park, or as we like to call it Jackson & Sam’s Toilet, is the coolest place in the whole neighbourhood. When we first bought our house here we thought the park was just weird and that our little community must be very strange. How wrong we were.

What makes this park special is that every hour of every day it is chockers full of kids toys! Always. And like lots of them. They are all left there for the local kids to play with and enjoy. How random is that! There seems to be an endless supply, some of them have been there for ages, others can be quite new.

Whenever we have to explain to visitors the situation with the toys no one believes us – it is Redfern after all. But this little neighbourhood is full of young families and the level of trust and security is amazingly high considering we are inner-city. Some days there are more kids in that park than there were in my own kinda class. Such an unbelievable community spirit.

So why this is top of mind for me today is that when I got home yesterday afternoon some lovely neighbour had taken the time to line them up all the toys along the garden path. How cool is that. Now that is taking some serious pride in the community park. I just had to take some photos.

My obsession with this park has been going on since we first moved in here 18 months ago. We walk Jackson and Sam in there everyday. Over summer there is not a weekend that goes by without a kids party in there. Every Friday evening all the local families get together and have vino’s and beers. How cool is that! One neighbour has set up a compost bin and another has left their BBQ in there permanently.

I have been so fascinated by this park I even did a Uni assignment on it last semester. It was a 2000 word visual research project that for me turned into a 5000 word extravaganza on the gentrification and community spirit of Redfern. I just have to get this in, yes, I got a HD for it.

But I do truly believe this park is incredibly special as it has become the backyard for all of the local families in the area. They socialise, they play, they enjoy it just the way families would a backyard out in suburbia. And I just think that is the coolest thing.