I've got nothing today except the shits! Why?

I'm getting pretty organised with this blogging thing now and I've even been known to put some thought and planning into it. I was planning on an insightful, witty piece for today on the weird things about being single but yesterday left me very sad, tense and with the shits. Here are the reasons why...

I spent six and a half hours on the road in yesterday's weather which I think would make anyone anxious. All drivers were so tense you could feel it. It was an open road drive on a freeway and I guarantee you there was not one car speeding. You just felt on edge the whole time. It was so exhausting. 

Then in the final stages I passed by the horrific accident northbound on the F3. You knew immediately that there must have been lives lost. It was an incredibly sad sight, and just so eery. Emergency services were everywhere and they were still working on one of the cars. Heard on the radio moments later they were still trying to rescue passengers. Your heart broke for those involved. One fatality, two rushed to hospital. Devastating. 

As horrific as that accident was, I believe there would have been many more except everyone on the road was being so careful and cautious yesterday. THANK YOU FELLOW DRIVERS! I feel very reassured that when it gets tough most drivers forget about time, rushing and whatever else is going on in their lives and just focus on safety. Prevented many more accidents I'm sure - and saved lives!

The thing that gave me the shits yesterday, and it is incredibly superficial and silly in the grand scheme of things, was that after my dramatic drunken injuries on Saturday night I am a physical mess. Can't believe I'm 38 and still falling over. Not sure which to blame more, the slipping or the intoxication, leaning towards the intoxication. Old enough to know better that’s for goddamn sure!

So now I am limping around with a sore knee and corked thigh with a giant scab on my forehead. I'm going to have to wear a hat to work cause I can't do my hair and no one should have to look at it. Yes, yes it’s a completely superficial wound which will be gone in a few days, but its still gives me the shits I have it at all. But in comparison to other events of yesterday it is ridiculous to even bring it up.

Sadness for the life lost, tense from the driving and shitty at my own stupidity means not the post I'd planned today. 

Sending deepest sympathies to the family and friends of the driver who lost his life. So unbelievably tragic.

A night out in the Inner West has left me scarred!

Yesterday’s post is probably my all-time favourite, today’s is a dog's breakfast!

How can I go from such a high to such a low? Well in between these two posts was JoThornely’s 40^th Party and it has left me a shell of my former self.

But oh so much fun! Brilliant fun! Makes it all worth it (I think?). Including my new scar. But more about that later…

The night started with a world-first. Man Pit had its first actual man as a guest. A man’s man, a straight man. Mr and Mrs Woog came over for a pre-drink. Mr Woog is the absolute coolest straight man ever! Mrs Woog has done very well for herself landing that one. Had to bite my tongue though from asking him to carry out some manly tasks while at Man Pit like hanging some pictures and fixing the shower head. And as is the case whenever I have guests at Man Pit we ordered pizza’s – this time it was Pork Belly and Puttanesca. Slowly working my way through entire menu.

Mrs Woog enjoying The Bed of Man Pit 

So then we got out our passports and trekked all the way out to the Inner West for the par-tay!

It was just so lovely. Lovely to meet some of JoThornely’s friends who I’d heard so much about. So lovely to catch up with some workmates outside of the office. So lovely to finally meet Shellity. Strangely, JoThornely shares her birthday with her twin sister Shellity – go figure! So lovely to spend some time with the gorgeous MsCharlotteD and Arrjaydub, they 100% lead Mrs Woog and I astray. I’m sure they spiked our drinks with a Rohypnol or two.

MsCharlotteD and Mrs Woog

Now JoThornely and Shellity gave the most brilliant of 40^th Birthday speeches. It was genius. They did it together and because they are both absolute masters of the English language it was a beautifully constructed, hilarious poem. As you do. They are very clever ladies, the audience loved it. Congrats guys, made the night.

Strangely I have no photos of the birthday girl, well that was a bit of an oversight! Such a shame cause she looked SMOKIN’ HOT!!! Smokin’! So instead you get me and MsD…

It soon came to that messy point in the night where we had to either stumble to a new venue or beg and whore ourselves on the street for a cab. Mrs Woog’s advice is always to leave when you’re having fun and never change venues. She took her own advice and after swaying our way up the street we bundled her in a cab, hiccupping. I was then taken under the wing of MsCharlotteD and Arrjaydub for some fun and frivolity at the Inner West’s finest gay establishment, The Imperial!

For some reason I always feel tall, young and attractive whenever I go to the Impie. They definitely breed them smaller out that way. MsCharlotteD towered over 90% of patrons, Arrjaydub not so much. And now a sentence I think I’ve only ever used twice before in my life… The drag shows were really good! It also helped that we almost won the meat raffle but instead scored some free passes. It’s the small things in life that give the greatest joy.

Arrjaydub and MsD

Then there was a dramatic turn of events. As I stumbled my way to the bathroom I took a headfirst fall into the wall and splayed myself on the bathroom floor. So dramatic! Thank god no one saw cause it was mortifying enough without anyone seeing. And thank god I was suitably lubricated or I would have burst into tears. Cracked my head open and at first I thought I was going to die from blood loss. After much pressed toilet paper it calmed right down. Thank god for the life saving MsCharlotteD and Arrjaydub who escorted me from the building with toilet paper stuck to my head and ensured I arrived home safely. Can not thank you guys enough! Loves you!

Woke up this morning, and I can confirm my modeling carrer is over due to my new hairline scar and my sporting career is over cause my knee is swollen like a rockmelon. Don’t you just love drunken injuries.

So to make myself feel better I ordered all this and layed on the couch for the ENTIRE day.

I love you Pizza Hut!

Thank you JoThornely, you are the hottest 40yo on the planet! Could bounce a coin on your arse and those guns rival Schwarzenegger.

JENNIFER HUDSON!

I have been in the presence of greatness! JENNIFER HUDSON!!!

After last night I worship at the altar of Ms Hudson! I believe her to be the voice of her generation, there is no equal. Fact!

So in one of those random events that life dishes out, I scored an invite to a Jennifer Hudson ‘Up Close & Personal’ thrown by the lovely people at MIX 106.5. One of the cheekier, sassier, smoother, more adorable radio promo types is @ShaunHeron who shot me through the invite. Hesitated for a minute, but then thought why the hell not – for godsake she won an Oscar – so invited along my No. 1  Miss Cal.

Well. I can confidently say that it was one of the most amazing performances I’ve ever seen. Jennifer Hudson is a SUPERSTAR with the most phenomenal voice! Such composure, so genuine, unbelievably effortless! 





Not one to blow some smoke up my own arse… but I’ve been very lucky over the years and have met, seen, heard some of the greatest voices and performers. On top of that, I am a bitter and twisted middle-aged queen who thinks he’s seen and done it all before.

That is… Until I was five people back at a JENNIFER HUDSON showcase!

I seriously can not describe how sensational her performance was last night. At one stage I was literally doubled over with my whole body tensed in anticipation, goosebumps even on my calf muscles, tears welling in my eyes. I couldn’t even scream with joy I was literally so speechless. I couldn’t tell you what songs she sang or even how many, just that with each song she took her performance to a whole new level.

I worked on Australian Idol, and I was in the room for the original audition, semi-final (Barbra Streisand) and performances (most notably ‘Chains’) for the one-and-only Paulini. To my ear I have always considered Paulini one of the most pure, effortless voices I have ever heard in my life. In a bizarre coincidence I’d bumped into Paulini last night just before JH took the stage. She was beside herself with excitement. Singers know and love other singers, this I have learnt over the years. When I was about to collapse in pure rapture over JH, Paulini was a few steps in front of me waving her arms with absolute joy. I know what I love, Paulini loves it cause she understands the skill and talent involved.

Mrs Woog and Paulini

Yes, yes I know I am now gushing like a 12 year old after a Bieber concert but I am not alone. Miss Cal grabbed me half way through a JH song and yelled “AMARSING” while she patted my back instinctually knowing I was already in tears.  Having been invited as well, Mrs Woog and her +1 Mrs Ryan were in tears like myself. Seriously, our new bestie Jennifer was AMARSING!

BUY HER ALBUM, BUY HER ALBUM! 

Ahhhh… Jennifer… Thank you!

And just to finish off, and just because I love the photo, Mrs Woog and Mrs Ryan ended up back at Man Pit on the couch with me and Sam to watch the IQ’d final Oprah ep. But more about that another time…

Hi-FIVE!... Opera House, Planking, Ms G's, Mr MDJ & Bangkok

Just like some of my favourite things... the Spice Girls, the Olympic Rings, 5-star hotels, my right hand... I like things that come in 5's. Today I have 5 little tales from the past few days that will hopefully offer some explanation as to why there have been no posts here recently! Again I say, I am so easily distracted - most commonly by vodka, food and friends.

Tale 1. Jackson and Sam play Tourist.

Jackson is my son who I lost in the divorce, but with our joint custody arrangement (when one of us has to travel) I have my blonde bombshell staying with me for the week. On staurday I got to take Jackson and his step brother Little Sammy on their first trip to the Lady Macquarie’s Chair to see the Opera House and Harbour Bridge. They loved it!!! The sites were spectacular for their little eyes to see.

Sadly what I think they were most interested in though was being the Flower Girls for this gorgeous Japanese couple having their weeding photos.

Tale 2. Planking at The Imperial (and I ain't being dirty)!

Everyone knows I am an absolute victim of popular culture – if anyone else is doing something than I have to join in! Fact! So while out enjoying some fabulous gayness on Saturday night at the Inner West’s very best Impie, and after numerous vodka’s, we decided to do some planking – if KAK can than we sure as hell can as well. My partners in crime where people who should know better and certainly be more mature, Lucky Paulie and Newshound Brad, but somehow I was the only one foolish enough to try.

Of course I made it as easy for myself as possible, I have no core strength, so did it on the dance floor… Laying flat!

Not sure who that is treading on me...

Please note: No one was injured, and this ridiculousless was carried out before the ‘balcony incident’ in Qld. Lucky I only tried it on the floor. AND... I can 100% confirm that a man of a certain age should not go out disco dancing for 6 hours, I could hardly walk on Monday; back, neck and I think I pulled a hammie.

Tale 3. Miss Cal knows her food!

She most certainly does! We went on an exploration of my new neighbourhood on Sunday with the sole purpose of eating lunch. On Miss Cal’s recommendation we stumbled into Ms G’s on Victoria St, Miss Cal had read a great review. Its cute, its funky, it has an atrium with great afternoon sun. We just wanted to be warm so we were happy to wait for a table out the back. Can I just say, so worth the wait!!! The food was spectacular – I loved my wagyu beef in chilli broth with noodles. Miss Cal loved hers too but I can’t remember exactly what it was, too distracted by the wagyu in front of me. The only slight imperfection, as is often the case in the Eastern Suburbs, attiitude does not mean service. Out the back it was great, up the front not so flash. Can be overlooked… I recommend.

Atrium at Ms G's

Tale 4. Mr MDJ has a Birthday!

Thank god I have cool friends who know the cool places to go cause I have literally no idea! Mr MDJ is probably my oldest friend in Syd-er-ney after we met mid-90’s when he was a barman and I was a cocktail waitress at the very (non)glamorous Banana Bar at Taylor Square. When I write my memoirs about memorable nights out Mr MDJ will feature HEAVILY!!! His dear friend, the Cougar, organised a gorgeous birthday dinner at somewhere far too cool and gorgeous for me to even know about called Bar H. The food was AMARSING! The company even better. Jeez, they took good care of us, even when we started shouting and making jokes that I’m sure only we would find funny. Huge thank you to the Cougar for organising, and HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDY Mr MDJ.

Mr MDJ and the gorgeous Cougar

Tale 5. My Birthday ‘escape’ is locked and loaded!!!

For some reason this year I do not want to be in Sydney for my birthday. Normally I force everyone in a 75km radius to celebrate it with me, willingly or not. This year its my 39^th which is such a nothing birthday when you know you have the MASSIVE 40^th celebration next year (mark it in your diaries now people!). And I also I really like the idea of being ‘newly independent St. Murphy’ and going on holidays by myself for the first time in years. After much debate, much indecision and much advice I decided on a week in Bangkok cause it has everything! Only ever had 1 night there and I adored it. Time to go back…

SHOPPING! SHOPPING! SHOPPING!

As luck should have it, one of Mr MDJ’s nearest and dearest is also a very fabulous travel agent. Within the space of, and I swear I am not exaggerating, 2 hours she had the whole thing sorted and booked - all by email. I actually think she may be a genius! I’m calling her Julie McCoy (bonus points if you know why?). Beside myself now, so excited! Six days in Bangkok is just what a 39^th Birthday needs!

LeBua Hotel Sky Bar... where I'll start my evening cocktails!

Sunday Bloody Mary Sunday

I love a lazy Sunday. Saturday’s are good too, but I always feel like I should be doing something on a Saturday. Not a Sunday; no issues with being a lazy cow on a Sunday.

But yesterday was quite frantic on the scale of Sunday’s. I think I did about 4 things – AMAZING! No wonder I’m exhausted. But they were all good and the reason why I LOVE Sunday’s.

First off, its about sleeping. My bed is so unbelievably comfortable. I love it more than I love myself in it.

I love you bed.

Sundays are also about the phone calls home, Granted I speak with home 2-3 times a week but always on a Sunday, especially on Mother’s Day.

Took the kids for a long, long walk. Was going to show Jackson the Opera House for the first time but the Domain was being over-run by yummy-mummy's on some sort of charity walk so they only got as far as the Art Gallery.

Man Pit needed a spruce up so did some vacuuming. St. Murphy needed a spruce up so did some moisturizing.

Now if you want something real cool to do in Sydney than walk the length of Crown St, so cool And if you squint your eyes just slightly you'd think you were in New York.

Than it was VODKA TIME! And by vodka, I mean Bloody Mary time. Hamish von Trapp with is first Bloody Mary of the afternoon.

Yes, they serve them in tomato cans - GENIUS!!!!!!!!!

Beer Garden @ Norfolk!

Met the girls for drinking and fooding at the Norfolk. It’s cause we’re so inner-city. But seriously, I don't understand why anyone lives anywhere but Syd-a-ney! And speaking of food... God I love it when I don't have to cook it myself. And nothing better than a Schnitz on Sunday!

Food was good. But nothing compared to the company. My inner-circle is the best inner-circle a middle-aged & slightly overweight queen could ask for. So fucking funny!

Lucky Paulie, Miss Cal, Irish Mark and Hamish von Trapp

And because we all mildly enjoy each others company we had a few more of these...

Fresh lime only in that thanks!

But before you know it, the sun went down and the fairy lights came on!

Goddamn I love a Sunday! Best day of the week. Almost makes me regret all those weekends I spent Sunday in seedy Day Clubs. I loved you Manacle!





And then of course its Sunday night and you should never be anywhere but your couch on a Sunday night. In your 'after-5's' or as you may know them, your trackies...

Yep, me on the couch with my boys watching TV... Again!

Jeez I love a Sunday! best day of the week!

ANZAC Day Dawn Service

Every year for as long as I can remember my Grandma has attended the ANZAC Day Dawn Service. She lost her husband, my grandfather, in WW2 and subsequently raised two boys on her own who never knew their father. She can not attend this year so I will take her place. I am sad and embarrassed to admit that I have never been to the Dawn Service before. My Pa also proudly fought in WW2, so it is fair to say that the war has had a dramatic effect on my family. I’m humbled to remember them both today.

Dedication of Purpose

At this hour, on this day, the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps, at Galipoli made immortal the name of ANZAC and established an imperishable tradition of selfless service of devotion to duty and fighting for all that is best in human relationships.

We who are gathered here today in this dawn vigil remember with gratitude the men and women who have given and are still giving in our Armed and Support Services, all that is theirs to give in order that the world may be a nobler place in which to live.

And with them, we remember those left behind to bear the sorrow of their loss.

Let us therefore dedicate ourselves to taking up the burdens of the fallen, and with the same high courage and stead-fastness with which they went into battle, set our hands to the tasks they left unfinished. Let us dedicate ourselves to the ideals for which they died. Let us with God’s help, give our utmost to make the world what they would have wished it to be, a better and happier place for all its people, through whatever means are open to us.

Special thanks to my dear, dear friend Sonia Louise who I accompanied this morning. She attends the Dawn Service every year.

Sloppy kisses, groping hugs and a huge THANK YOU!

Feeling pretty darn chuffed at St. Murphy today.

Yesterday we clocked over 20,000 pageviews here since the first post mid-Jan. Back then if you had of told me that this could happen I literally would have laughed in your face.

I am so blown away. I know in the grand scheme of blogging this isn’t big news at all, so many brilliant bloggers have mountains and mountains more readers than this obviously. I’m just so stoked that people have found it and shown some interest in these early days, it means a helluva lot to me. Makes me very happy. I can not thank you enough for taking a peak into my strange little world.

I started doing this cause I was so inspired by my friends who blogged (yes that’s you Mrs Woog and JoThornely) and I wanted to have a bit of a creative outlet outside of work. And also because weird shit tends to happen in my life and I love the idea of having a record of it. I have an absolute ball writing these pages. Before St. Murphy I never knew or understood how much I loved to write.

This blog has also become a bit of an emotional outlet for me. I probably share more here than I do with the important people in my life one-on-one. Its good to be able to hide behind this page a bit while still being able to say how I feel. This blog has come to mean much more to me than I ever expected it would.

Thanks so much for taking a look, commenting, tweeting, and all that jazz. I hope you keep coming back. Mrs Woog always says to me “just write for yourself” which I’m slowly getting the hang of. I know I've still got my training wheels on. But it’s also real nice to know that some like to read it.

Big hugs and kisses to all today, in the words of Jeff Fenech “I luv youse all!”

And Happy Easter!

St. Murphy

P.S Next post will be coming to you live from hometown Griffith, and who the hell knows what this town will throw at me to write about in the next 24hours. 

The Baby-Sitters Club: The Woogettes

Would you trust me with your children?

Would you trust me to babysit your children?

Would you trust JoThornely and I to babysit your children together?

Now I’m guessing there are varying degrees to your response, starting with “You’ve got to be f*%king kidding” through to “But who’s babysitting you and Jo”. All fair responses. Considering I’ve never babysat for my own family, who know me best, I can’t say I wholly disagree with you.

As I say to all my family, “call me when they are 16 and I’ll take them to their first nightclub”. I know I’m much better with older kids rather than younger. I think it may be part of the gay gene, I lack maternal skills. But once of age I’ll be sure to be a good influence. Same with JoThornely, we are both committed non-breeders.

So you may find it startling that our dear friends Mr and Mrs Woog left us in charge of their two young charges. To be honest, I’m not sure how it came about, but JoThornely and I jumped at the chance to give the Woogs the night off so they could enjoy a quiet dinner together. Their two boys Jazz Hands and Harry are very famous to Woogsworld readers, they would be 5 and 7 (that’s a guess, I’m not good with this sort of thing) and delightful opposites in every way.

Mrs Woog left us with a fully stocked fridge and a pizza menu, was just like being at home! We kick-started the evenings entertainment with Uno. Lucky we were warned Jazz Hands was fiercely competitive, he was all over it like a rash. Harry’s a strategic thinker and cleaned up the first two games. JoThornely picked up the next two only to be trounced by Jazz Hands in the last. By this stage Harry and I were bored and already watching Disney Channel, my favourite.

Jazz Hands then ducked off so he could rehearse his concert for us. Harry, the absolute host with the most, made sure that JoThornely and I were warm and comfortable and brought us blankets and pillows. He also found me a much desired Diet Coke; Harry can do anything, his an absolute prince. He is the most considerate young man in the world. He went to the trouble of writing and cutting out place tags for us so we knew where to sit on the lounge. Cutest thing ever.

Jazz Hands had prepared four numbers for us – A Katie Perry, two Christina Aguilera and a show-stopping Beyonce to finish. He looked stunning and danced like a young Baryshnikov. There was some jazz, some tango, even some marching. There were moments of modern-interpretive and his shimmy was one of the best I’ve ever seen. Twice he began is routine in a Gaga egg pose. Now I know Jazz Hands is a mere child but he has a special gift. I guarantee you that one day JoThornely and I will be bragging that back in 2011 Jazz Hands gave us a private performance to Crazy In Love. A star is born, I kid you not.

Side note. At one point Jazz Hands was arabesquing in the bedroom and Harry was watching motorsport on television. So reminded me of my brother and I! Me in front of the mirror performing for a pretend audience of 1000’s, while Bro was watching sport and dreaming of his first motorbike. Ahhh… brothers can be polar opposites but will always be brothers.

JoThornely and I easily slipped into a good cop / bad cop routine, obviously me being the more adorable one I was good cop. Their poor cat Chuy suffered the most cause he is thrown about like a ragdoll by the Woogettes. Now we both have allergies to cats so Prince Harry went searching for some medicine. When the grown-ups pizza arrived, Prince Harry ran and brought us plates. So cute, I could learn a lot from him about hosting guests.

Mr and Mrs Woog arrived home just as we had whipped their boys up into a frenzy. Just in time for Mum and Dad to put them to bed. Hahahaha, exact reason why JoThornely and I have decided not to be parents – we are much better at being a fabulous uncle or aunt. We rock on in, cause havoc, and leave a mess for the parents to clean up.

It was the most fun I've had on the north side of the bridge since the Berry St Tavern in the 90's. I’m now actually thinking I’m quite a good babysitter and available for hire. Especially when the kids are as cute, considerate and as full of personality as the Woogettes. And, of course, I’d like a Beyonce number.

Man Pit has its first Houseguest

Man Pit has its first houseguest this weekend, a houseguest other than Absolut that is. I had fantasised that my first houseguest would be an Eastern European Olympic Swimmer with a torso-of-death but unfortunately they are quite hard to come by in the Ghetto. I also tried online but the import tax would have broken me.

Inst   ead my very first houseguest will be far more glamorous and special, and be able to string intelligent sentences together. It is my very beautiful, very funny Cousin Trudy. Cousin Trudy is a resident of the picturesque South Coast where she is raising her two spunky boys with her partner Maximillian. Max has never heard of Beyonce’s famous line ‘if you like it put a ring on it’ so that’s why its partner, not wife. Cousin Trude is making a brief pilgrimage to the big smoke for a girlie weekend with her most girlie of cousins St. Murphy.

Cousin Trudy and Ash

Now Cousin Trudy is very well know in certain circles of Gay-land. She became quite famous early last decade after a number of very successful Guest Appearances at Oxford St’s finest. At the right level of intoxication her work on the dance floor is electric. She is still talked about for one infamous night where we found her on a podium dancing in her bra! Go Cousin Trude! Thank god we’ve both quietened down considerably since then, but I still expect whispers of excitement spreading like wildfire that Cousin Trudy is back in town.

Now all my friends know of her as Cousin Trudy because that’s what I’ve always called her. This is because my family is just a little weird and we preface all of our cousins with the title. You may recall I’ve talked of Cousin Matt, Cousin Tim, Cousin Gav and Cousin Rod at St. Murphy before. That’s not just for the blog, that’s in life as well. Everywhere we go, everything we do, that’s generally how we refer to each other. Its only now that I’ve started thinking about this that it seems somewhat odd.

All of us cousins were pretty much raised as brothers and sisters. There are 9 of us and there is only like 15 years between us all. I’m the oldest (and of course the most mature!) and Cousin Trudy is at No. 3. We are a ridiculously close family. For many, many years there was not one of the 9 birthdays that did not have all of us together to celebrate. I can not tell you how many photos there are of us all standing round a birthday cake – you can plot all major trends from the 70’s through to the 90’s by these family photos. Our family loves a photo!

Xmas '10 The Fam!

So from all playing innocent games together and sharing toys & clothes, now it’s drinking games and baby stories. We have so much fun when we are all together. Cousins Weekend’s are notorious, Xmas lunches are a mess. Damn it, I’m getting all warm and fuzzy now, but my cousins are an incredible bunch of hilarious, loyal, loving people who are loud, crass and heaps of fun. So much love. I think that’s why we stake such a claim on each other by always referring to each other as Cousin. Blood is definitely thicker than water.

Anyways, back to Cousin Trude! We have a hectic whirl of social engagements planned this weekend that involve many cocktails and much good food. Cousin Trudy is the artistic one of the family – she has just started her own photography business and is INCREDIBLY talented – so she is loaning Man Pit a piece of art so that my little home ain’t so bereft of culture. She also has a disc of her beautiful shots from Bro and Sis-In-Law’s wedding for me, so cool. So much has changed since the last time we played together in the Ghetto, lets just hope this time Cousin Trudy keeps her top on! 

Cousin Trude's artwork now at Man Pit

Smart and Funny Friends: A Japanese two-parter with a face peel

Part 1 – 5.00pmish

I am filled with nervous anticipation…

Let me pre-empt Part 1 of this post by saying I am feeling very sad and sorry for myself at the moment. I am hung-over. While still very much recovering from last nights work party (note to self: don’t drink so much at work functions, never a good look to dribble in front of Boss), I am backing up tonight with a dinner with two of the great minds of our generation. Just when I feel like I’ve been hit by the vodka-cocktail-bus I need to pick myself up to sparkle and shine for JoThornely and Mrs Woog.

Mrs Woog and JoThornely

I struggle to keep up with these ladies in wit, intellect and alcohol consumption when I am in peak condition, let alone when I am still blowing .08. They are kinda like Joan Rivers meets Ellen DeGeneres meets Chelsea Handler but with Aussie accents.

This is the problem with having smart and funny friends, they are smart and funny. So smart and funny that one day I am sure they will have their own talk show. And I will be like the midget Mexican Chuy sitting over in the corner. Normally I am one to push, shove and gouge my way to being the centre of attention. In the company of JoThornely and Mrs Woog I am supporting cast. My nervous anticipation is because I think they may get bored with me tonight, and that would break my heart. Oh woe is me and my stinking hangover…

Part 2 – 11.30pmish

So after a quick face peel and a disco nap I was hot to trot and scornful of my earlier sad sorry self.

Just quickly on the face peel, and I kid you not, it has literally taken 5 years off my face! The fabulous peeps at the worlds best men’s spa ManKind gave me the best, quickest peel treatment, they are amarsing. ManKind have the very difficult job of keeping my monobrow under control so I’m in there every other week. We’re now gonna try and make my skin look age-appropriate – 38 rather than 58 – they have their work cut out for them. But this peel has already changed my life and I just know I’m gonna get addicted. I’m glowing like a lava-lamp and soft as a Tontine pillow. I’ll look 14 in a matter of weeks.

Tonight JT and I introduced the Woog to Wagaya – the most brilliant touch-screen Japanese restaurant in Syd-er-ney! Yes you heard correct. There is a touchscreen at your table and you order all your food and drinks from it. It is truly joyous. The food ain’t Toko but the fun you have with the screen makes up for it. Mrs Woog couldn’t keep her dirty mits off it and in under 10 minutes we were knee-deep in gyouza, karaage and sushi.

Now from this point on I am going to tell the story in pictures. First off, Mrs Woog ordered a raw egg. Why, because she could goddamn it.

Then after we were suitable stuffed with food, obviously the next thing you do is a photoshoot. First pic is above, the next in the sequence...

Now how beautiful is this! Mrs Woog's two gorgeous Woogettes made me presents. Jazz Hands Jack made me some stunning bracelets which I love and cherish and will wear to work...

As modelled by Mrs Woog (I don't wear gold bangles, only purple)

And Harry is a budding brilliant artist and did for me these drawings. Don't you love how much he says love, he must really love me.

Harry obviously knows exactly what I am all about so he also gave me his favourite WWF card (Mrs Woog is slightly concerned...)

So we dragged ourselves away from the touch-screen Japanese after about 18 plates of delight, and there is only one thing to do after eating Japanese and thats KARAOKE! Mrs Woog was bang up for it, JoThornely and I not so forthcoming. We hardly blended in with the crowd at Covent Garden Hotel - we weren't wearing Elvis suits or Adidas - but they certainly were VERY serious about their karaoke. Even Mrs Woog was slightly intimidated. Once she gave herself some rock-star hair though she was pumped and primed!

But once she took to the stage and did her first hair flick she had the crowd in the palm of her hand. Carly Simon's You're So Vain has never sounded better. And never sung with such emotion and conviction. People took to the dance floor, a clap started up. It was brilliant. And by the time she was working the pole it may have well been the Grammy's. She even ad-libbed with "I'm a mum and don't get out much" which we all know is a lie.

Is that Beyonce???

I love me gals, and nothing can make you forget a hangover like smart and funny friends. And the best part of all, we had an absolute ball AND I won't even have a hangover tomorrow.





For those foolish enough not to already follow their blogs... Woogsworld and Jo-JoBlogs





And also be sure to follow ManKind on Twitter, they have their training wheels on.